Dun dare anymore..

"I am a shy girl"

I think if I tell my close frens i am a shy girl.. they will surely think i am juz kidding..
coz i think most of them think that i am a brave and loud girl..

haha..

but actually deep inside me..
I am a shy and timid girl..
the small Flora inside of me is very shy and small and needed to be protected..

I am a girl who lack of emo security.. that's y i tend to get angry easily..
and start scolding or asking silly ques when i'm insecure..
it's not bcoz i love to scold ppl or i like to be angry with ppl..
bcoz the way i protect myself is to attack ppl so that others cant attack me..

I think i had attacked many of my family members and even my best fren mentally..
I feel very bad inside me..
my conscience tells me that i am doing smth very wrong..
but i juz dun hv the strength to stop repeating the same mistakes..

Lord, i need you.. i really dun wanna be the emo girl that makes everyone unhappy..
i will cry everytime i scold ppl or say smth bad or ask very silly ques..

I hate ppl scolding me..
if someone elder scolds me.. i will 100% cry at once!
that's how vulnerable i am..

I hate crying in front of ppl..
I wanna let the whole world know i am a tough girl..
but in fact, i am not..

.....

Ok.. tell u why am i shy..
i also dunno actually.. haha..
mayb i mind too much what ppl think abt me?
I should not be doing this..
I should care abt how God thinks abt me insted of how others think abt me..

I dun dare to order food in a restaurant..
can u beat that?
especially when the person selling food is a handsome young guy.. zzz..
Sorry.. i study in girls sch.. dunno how to communicate with stranger who is a guy..
LOL..

Why am i still holding post since i am a shy girl?
haha.. coz it's my dream to get some posts in sch..
not to show off..
but to serve and get the chance to learn more..

I love to help ppl who is in need..
haha.. but i seldom help my sis.. LOL.. the bad side of me.. XD

I dun dare to talk to stranger or new fren actually..
or mayb i will feel very uncomfortable when i talk to new frens..

I still rmbr that time i went to my brother's sch and my "mum" talked to me..
oh man!! I was actually very shy.. that time she is still new to me XD
and i dunno how to speak in BM..
but thank God..
hu~
She is very frenly.. haha.. ^^

Saw my mum's blog juz now..
she is so lovely..
she loves her student so much..
but yet the naughty student no heart one..
If i am there that time.. i will kick him also..
haha..
Mummy.. i love u ya..
give the boy some time..
guys are usually not that mature.. haha...